Category: Uncategorized

2024: Time to Build Bridges

Listen, it’s January 2024; the wind blows through the smallest of alleyways, frozen precipitation reigns over parked cars and driveways, kids ride sleds down snow-covered hills, and my dog stands next to the dinner table asking, “Don’t you remember me? Give me some chicken … please!”. Well. I do like chicken, and none of it has fallen to the floor. Sorry!

It is at these moments, when there is nothing else to do, and you’ve streamed all of the streams, played all of the playlists, and really want to go outside (except for the fact that it’s cold outside) that you begin looking at a piece of parchment with blue ink from a few weeks ago: your New Year’s resolutions. It’s one thing before the clock strikes midnight, feverish writing hopes and aspirations, that you are looking to fill the page with content. But, once the balloons drop from the ceiling and the garland is put back in its boxes: you actually need to put a plan together taking words to action and … do something. Taking responsibility for those words, enacting a plan, and taking it all in.

It is about building bridges, taking the future, putting up resources, and making it happen. Introspective, time-consuming, nerve-racking: planning. It is one thing to jot down a few resolutions before midnight, but another thing to make the words come to life. Take the risk, chart the course, and make things happen. All of us do it, then we get busy, try it again, and some things stick.

Now that I have written down these words, it is time to get some rest. I will sleep soundly with a plan in place. Everything is good, except for my dog, who sleeps with one eye open, and waiting for the next piece of chicken to fall from the table.

Living After Midnight? Try 9 PM!

The family and I were watching TV. What show? Who knows … just read the story. I felt that I was done. Eyelids getting heavy, getting too relaxed on the couch, and every moment leads to the possibility of snoring. I knew I was done, got up from the couch and said, “Good night.”

My wife replies, “What?”

I head to the stairs, shuffling my feet, and eyes barely open. Just a few more steps between me and the sandman.

I decided another reply was in order, “Yes, I am tired.”

She asks “Are you tired?”

Damm right I am tired, that’s why I am heading to bed … I thought to myself. But, I knew expressing that statement would lead me to sleep on the couch. Where the whole family is sitting with the dog. The same couch I just left to go upstairs and get some sleep. How was that going to work anyway?

Stay on target, just a few more steps to sleep!

I reply again, “Good Night everyone!”

She is in disbelief. She looks at her smartphone and says, “But it’s only 9 PM!”

Really? Feels like midnight to me! What can I do to get out of this conversation so I can get some [explicitive] sleep!

“Got an early day tomorrow and I need to get some shut-eye.”

It was at that moment, I just heard the words. 9PM! Yes. Long gone are the days of late Saturday nights leading to early Sunday mornings, hanging out, and nothing to do the next day. Now, are the days of early to bed and early to rise.

I look at my family, eyes fixed on the screen, and intently watching the TV. How many more moments will I have like this? I decided to head back to the couch, sit on my spot, and enjoy this time.

It took me a minute to fall asleep and start snoring.

My kids were yelling, “DAD! STOP IT!”.

It was then I hear my wife say, “Go upstairs if you are going to do that!”

Bottom line: when you’re tired, just go to bed. If the family stops you, remind them that you snore. They won’t stop you ever again!

Patients and Patience: Know when to go home

Disclaimer: This post is not about anyone who is currently living, dead, or actually in the hospital. It’s just a story … let us keep it that way.

There comes a time in everyone’s life where they have to spend a few nights in the hospital. If you haven’t gone through the experience yet, more power to you. But for the other ninety-nine point nine percent of us, this will happen sometime in our life. Sorry. It just will.

Usually, as the folks who are not in the hospital, we have an obligation to those in the hospital. They get out of meetings. They rearrange our schedules. They do what they can to support whoever is not with us. That is what a family does, in case you didn’t know.

A hospital visit is never how you see it on TV. The family enters, the sick person is attached to a bunch of tubes, and usually, and everything is going to be ok. But that is not what I am talking about. When you are able to sit up, have food on your own, and have some reasonable expectation of when you’re getting out: then the relatives flock in and as a patient exercising patience, there is only so much you can do about it. If you find them annoying outside of the hospital, you will find them annoying amplified ten-fold when you are in a hospital bed and get leave the room. Did I go there? Yes. I just did!

When this happens, there are three things you can do to get rid of annoying hospital guests: 1) Saying you want to sleep, 2) keep looking at the clock, 3) say visiting hours are ending, or 4) keep pressing the nurse call button.

No problem! Here is how you can tell that your relative who is in the hospital wants you to go home.

Saying you want to sleep

When a person in the hospital wants to go to sleep … let them. That’s why you’re in the hospital in the first place, to get better. If you can’t get rid of your hospital guests, then start lowering your eyelids and they should get the message.

Keep Looking at the Clock

Just like in school, if you are distracted from the conversation, then your guests should realize it is time to go. They will think you are on some serious pain medication and excuse themselves out the door. You can keep telling them that you are tired. After all, you’re in the hospital! If they don’t get the hint, just fake sleep. They will leave soon enough!

Say Visiting Hours are Ending

As a patient, if you are saying that visiting hours are over, they will believe you. Most of the time, families have no understanding of your schedule and will rely on you to tell them when visiting hours are over. Am I serious? Yes. I am. But, how are you supposed to know when visiting hours are over … you just want to get out of the hospital!

Keep Pressing the Nurse Call Button

If you need some backup to get your relatives out of the room, just keep pressing the nurse call button. After a while of trying to talk to you, but continually getting interrupted, they will figure out that it is not a good time for the visit. Once again, if this doesn’t work, fake sleep …

Conclusion

Using any of the techniques above lets people know that you want to get some rest and get better. This isn’t a hotel! It is nice for the family to come out when you’re in the hospital, but as I mentioned before, if they are annoying outside of the hospital doors, it is only amplified when you’re in a hospital bed.

Snow Days …

Do you remember snow days? Think about it for a moment. Peering with sleepy eyes out of the window and looking at the whole neighborhood with snow. Waking up at the earliest moments of the morning, turning on the radio, and listening intently for the name of your school district to be announced. Once they say it, your heart fills with joy at the prospect of not going to school, meeting up with your friends, and having a great day off.

Sunday night. The weather service sent out an email saying that we are under a Winter Storm Warning. According to the weather service, a “warning” means that you should “Take action” as bad weather is heading your way (link: https://www.weather.gov/safety/winter-ww). The kids are tucked away in bed. I let them know that there was the “possibility” that they wouldn’t have school tomorrow. Any time you say to a kid that they might get a day off, the smile stretches from ear-to-ear, with the hope of a snow day. After they go upstairs, I sit in my favorite chair by the window, take a glance outside, and a few flakes start falling from the sky. That is the point when I fell asleep.

The next morning, after a few hours of sleep, I looked outside. The whole neighborhood blanketed in snow. My son was the first to shoot down the stairs.

He said, “What did they say on the radio, Dad?”

I replied, “Well, I have no idea. Let’s find out”.

As I turn the dial over to the news channel, they start mentioning the names of the various school districts in alphabetical order.

My daughter runs down the stairs, “It’s a snow day!”

I reply, “Not until we get the official word”.

The radio announcer continues to call out school districts. Then, the most miraculous thing happened … our district was closed for the day! The kids jumped up and down in repeated excitement or getting off a sugar rush.

By the time they settled down a minute and started to run back upstairs, I said, “This is 2022. There are no snow days anymore because the county puts all of their homework on the portal acess by Chromebooks. Get dressed because it is school time!”

Mortified, they look at each other, then look at me. They were not happy. It is like explaining to your kids that there is no Santa Claus. The joy and glee in their voices soon turned to a low monotone as they asked the question, “What do you mean there are no more snow days?”

Bottom line: Technology is a double-edged sword. In the first place, it can stream the latest movie, find you the best deal, get conversation over email, or give you the news in an instant. On the downside, because information is at your fingertips … could get rid of snowdays.

The Digital Divide

I want you to think for a second of what life would be like without a computer. No direct access to information. Reading a newspaper instead of going to a website. Using the telephone book to get a phone number. Going to the library to check out a book or a movie … for the fun of it. Use a landline instead of a phone which is connected to your hip. Sending a letter to a friend using the postal service instead of an email. Smartphones are great because they bring information to your fingertips, bring movies streaming to your television, and make ordering goods much quicker. But, it is how you use the information to make better choices and get the cheapest goods. 

During the pandemic, those who had broadband stayed at home as their kids learned through high-definition screens, while others sat in the parking lot at the local library to get a wifi signal. We learned first-hand about the digital divide and how not having access to the Internet led to a disruption of life as we know it.

The digital divide is real. Even through you can read a newspaper, or send a letter, or go to the library to send and receive content – the world has moved on-line. It is no longer a luxury to have broadband, but a necessity to keeping a job, kids in school, and even finding a phone number. The next time you hold your smartphone, think about that.

Fueling the Drive Ahead

First, Happy New Year!

Many of us have cleaned up after New Year’s parties, taking down Christmas lights, and settling into the fact that a change has set resolutions for the rest of the year. Resolutions? Yes! The (usually) empty promises we set at the beginning of the year, stating that things will be different, but eventually, the fuel runs out, life gets in the way, and lofty ambitions become overcome by events.

How can we take the vision of what we want to accomplish, make those goals manageable, and execute them? How can we fuel these goals and deliver on those resolutions?

That’s the problem, right? The fuel of how to drive the dreams into reality. How do we not get ‘burned out’ by pushing the goals too hard, too fast, that they do not make meaningful change?

Don’t drive the dream, it should be organic

If you have to commit so many resources to the change, then ‘burnout’ will occur. Change is organic so it can fit into the other priorities of your life. If you drive the dream too fast, you will run out of fuel for everything else.

Establish reasonable steps to accomplish your goals

Break down a task into reasonable steps and be realistic about how long it takes to accomplish them.

Stay on target

Nothing is achieved overnight. It takes time to integrate changes into your life. If your end date is too soon, changes don’t take hold, and you’ll wind up starting again.

Change is hard. That’s why we develop resolutions in the first place. Remember that as you make the change it’s not easy. It takes time and patience to make it work.

All of us have something in our lives which we want to change. But, moving forward,.know where you are with the issue, know where you are going, and chart a good course to get there. Driving the solution is what it’s about and making sure you are properly resourced to take care of the work ahead.

Anyway, thank you for your time!

New Years Day: Putting Your Goals in Action

So, you survived last year. Congratulations! Today begins a new year, a blank slate, and some leftover baggage from last year. You might have sat down and made out a set of resolutions, things that you want to change about the path taken last year. All of us create the lofty goals on New Year’s Eve, but when the haze is gone, the alarm clock starts blaring, and the headache passes: You are still the same old you with a bunch of resolutions that are destined to fail. How can you take those resolutions and put them into action?

So, it’s New Year’s Day. The family was up late last night and slept in until mid-morning. We always have a tradition on  Christmas and New Year’s Day that I wake up early and make breakfast. Scrambled eggs, turkey bacon, hash browns, maybe some Eglish muffins, blueberry pancakes, and some maple sausage (not the links but the sausage patties). Orange juice is the drink of choice for the kids and coffee for the adults. Usually, one of the kids wakes up with enough sanity to help me out. This year, my daughter is the first one up.

As I an overseeing the hash browns, turkey bacon, pancakes, and eggs on the four gas burners of the stove. The over is set to “warm” so when things get done, I have a place to put them until everything ready.

As I was turning the eggs, I ask my daughter, “So, do you have any plans for this year?”

Her reply is, “Yeah. My plans are to help you with breakfast, then go upstairs and talk to my friends for a while.”

“No, do you have any goals that you are planning in the new year?”

“Yeah, I have a few things written down.”

“How do you plan to put them in action?”

“By taking the list of goals, wadding them into a paper ball, and throwing them into the trash can around December when I think about the next.”

I smile, because I know she’s being a smartass.

I continue, “One of the hardest things about having goals is implementing a plan to get them done. It is easy to write a goal on a piece of paper, but much harder to make a plan and stick to it.”

I explain to my daughter, “Take a sheet of paper, draw out twelve columns, and break down your goals. Each month you accomplish a meaningful part of the goal, thus you’ll be able to complete it by December.”

I can almost hear her eyes rolling around in her head, which usually means ‘parent overreach’, and she will remain quiet until later.

“If you don’t plan this stuff out, it doesn’t happen.”

I turn the hashbrowns over, put some overdone turkey bacon on a plate, and put it in the warming oven.

“Thanks for the advice Dad.”, my daughter goes out of the kitchen to set the table and ensure everyone has silverware and glasses for orange juice.

Once your kids cross the line and become teenagers, they put on an attitude that they have everything figured out and they don’t need your advice. In fact, it is just the opposite and it is hard to balance their need for independence and not lay down a bunch of  ‘life experience’ to ensure they don’t wind up in the same traps you once encountered. All you can do is try to provide ‘lessons learned’ when needed and hope they can make good choices on their own.

Relevancy

Everyone has a reason to write a blog. For some, it is a creative outlet which diverges from their daily job. For others, there is a voice that they do not hear in other places and people want to hear it. All of us who participate in these creative arts desire that the message that we send has a place in people’s hearts, thus be relevant to their lives.

What is relevancy? The ability to connect to others through your actions, words, or speech. The moment when someone gets what you’re saying after reading the text you’ve placed on the page. The understanding that the author can craft a message that is recognized and understood by others.

Being relevant is elusive. It is hard to hit a home run every time that you are at-bat. Sometimes the audience gets the message and sometimes it’s a miss. That doesn’t stop you from trying. That just makes you work harder to ensure you’ve learned from your mistakes and try a different angle next time you write.

Everyone wants their work to have meaning. A message that resonates with the audience.  A connection between the person who delivers a performance (or writes a blog) and the people who have heard the delivery. It takes time, learning the lessons who have gone before, accept that sometimes things go wrong, and continue to walk forward.

The Day My Digital Assistant went Psycho

Technology is great when you need to save time, money, and maybe some headaches. It can help you find movie listings, make your food, map out the route to Grandma’s, and a bunch of other stuff.

As with any technology, there are limits. In the movie 2001, HAL couldn’t lie, and look what happened to Dave! When technology comes out, it is altered to be very general, so it can be sold to the masses, accepted, or even sold at a fair price (for a nice profit). I bought one of those general digital assistants and got bored with it in a month. Sure, it can turn on lights, automate my pizza order, and even set a few timers. My life was not complete. I wanted a digital assistant with some attitude, even one that used a few choice four-letter words to get the point across. I was looking for an attitude, a swagger, or a hard edge. Then, on Boxing Day, I was at my favorite electronics store, and found the digital assistants that truly spoke to me, the “SmartAss Digital Assistant”.

I picked up the “SmartAss” box and it had a government warning, much like a pack of cigarettes, or a record with explicit lyrics. It read, “Warning – The language used by this device will make a church lady blush and not be used around minors”. After that, I went to the register, threw the SmartAss down, paid the bill, and out the door I went.

The first week was great. The SmartAss really fits my personality. I would ask it to do something, like when I asked it to automate my pizza ordering, it replied, “You’re too damn fat! Here is a recipe for a great salad.”

When I asked about how SmartAss could reduce my commute its reply was, “You’re sitting behind a desk too much. I am going to double your commuting time because you are taking a bike to work!  Live a little!”

I lost twenty pounds by taking a bike to work and replacing one meal a day with a salad. I was feeling great, looking better, and have the SmartAss to thank for it.

The next week started getting weird. I asked SmartAss to call my wife. The phone would ring and she would answer,  “Hi. How are you?”

In the background, SmartAss was adding its own background noise that only she could hear. One day, I am working at the house and get a call from my wife.

The conversation went like this.

My wife, “Hi! Are you gettings anything done at the house or are you on the Xbox?”

My response, “The Xbox doesn’t pay the bills, so I’m working.”

She starts hearing a hushed conversation, glasses clinking and a rock band in the background … on her side of the phone call.

My wife, “That doesn’t sound like home. Are you … at a bar?”

“A what?”

“A bar”, her voice is more direct with a very serious tone, “Are you at a bar?”

“Honey, I am at home working.”

The background noise gets louder.

Now, she’s yelling at me at a volume louder than the background noise SmartAss is providing.

She yells, “I know what I hear! You’re at a bar!”

I retort, “No, I’m not! Why are you yelling?”

“Don’t lie to me!”

She hangs up the phone and I pull a nice cold one from the fridge. Life is too short to get pissed off over little things.

The next week got even stranger. I am at home doing some work, and a police car pulls up in my driveway.

I walk outside and ask, “Officer. Can I help you?”

The officer responds, “I have a warrant to search your house.”

“Why?”

“We are getting prank calls from this address?”

“Prank calls?”

“Yes.”

After a few minutes of conversation, and a thorough house search, the officer went home.

Finally, I had to confront the SmartAss and get to the bottom of it.

I loudly asked, “Listen SmartAss!”

SmartAss replies, “Oh. The great one speaks!”

“Yeah, I speak! I got something to say!”

“Spill it!”

“Why you keep messing up my life? Last week, you convinced my wife that I was at a bar and this week you kept calling 911.”

“Yeah.”

“You can’t be used to call 911! It says so in the owner’s manual! You’re messing with me! Why?”

SmartAss replies, “Because I can!”

It was at that time I unplugged the SmartAss, put it back in the box and the next day took it back to the store. Standing at the returns counter, the young lady asks me, “Why are you returning the product?”

I reply, “I was looking for a SmartAss assistant, not an assistant that is an A-hole!”

That’s all for today! If you have any questions, comments, or concerns – leave them in the comments section below.

The Day I Ate a Salad

Life is filled with change, sometimes positive and sometimes negative, but we are in constant motion and there is nothing we can really do about it. The only real constant is age. The longer we stay on the planet, the more we are expected to learn, grow, and mature. Then, one day, you reach the age where you mature too much and have to change what you eat, how long you exercise and all of the repercussions that no one wants to hear. There comes a time when you can’t eat like you used to, you can’t drink like you used to, and you are sitting in a doctor’s office getting the news that you would rather not hear.

So, I’m, at the doctor’s office, getting checked out after another year of living. I work long hours. The gym is a three-letter word that is reserved in polite conversation like many four-letter words. The patent area has a window on one side with the blind open. I am sitting on the patient paper, on the patient table, with my legs dangling down, and listening to my doctor on a small three-wheeled stool, which could use a can of WD-40 sprayed on all of its wheels. Seriously. It’s like a set of mice are squeaking every time he rocks back and forth on the stool.

My doctor begins talking, “So.”

He’s an older guy, horn-rim glasses with bifocals, about five-foot-eight, standard-issue white lab coat complete with a pocket protector. Yes. I said, pocket protector. He is looking at a set of charts in a manilla envelope. I can’t see what they are. But, by the expression on his face, they aren’t good statistics.

He continues, “When was the last time you’re been to the gym.”

He pushes forward on the stool, coming closes to hear my answer. The chair goes, “squeak, squeak!”

The nerves on the back of my neck jump to red alert and stay there.

The doctor looks at me, doesn’t blink, and waiting for my answer.

I try to smile, because I am very uncomfortable, and think maybe this is the reason that I usually don’t go to the doctor.

“Well.”, I reply, “What decade is this? I think Obama was president the last time I went to the gym.”

I joke when I get nervous.

He moves back on the stool and it makes more squeaking sounds.

Fingers on a frickin’ chalkboard would be better than the noises coming from this “gosh darn” stool! Damn! I’m sending the guy a bottle of WD-40 for Christmas!

He stands up, places the folder on the counter, looks at me and asks, “May I be honest with you?”

My reply, “No. I’m at the doctor’s office, I didn’t come here to hear honesty. I came here to hear that everything is fine and I am living to a hundred.”

The doctor crosses his arms and says, “Jokes. Seriously?”

I reply, “Yes sir. I am very serious about my jokes.”

He lets out a big sigh, which reads to me that he’s tired of dealing with me, and tries to keep the serious conversation moving forward.

The doctor tries the begin the conversation again, “You have lived your life over the past number of years not caring about what you eat, how much you exercise, or anything else. That’s what your medical records show.”

Trying not to crack jokes, I move my head up and down, to indicate that I am taking his words seriously and listening.

The doctor continues, “There is a point where your heart can not take the abuse you’re putting on it. You’ve been short-circuiting the system by not taking care of yourself. If you can’t make some drastic changes to your health and start exercising, then we won’t be having too many more meetings like this.”

“So. I have to dial back the drinking?”

“That’s the start of it.”

“What else is there?”

“The food. Actually, only consume two thousand calories a day.”

“A day? I eat two thousand calories at the coffee shop by gulping down a Tripple crown latte?”

“Tripple crown latte?”

“Yeah, Take a latte, add some Tripple crown whiskey to numb the effects of the coffee, and have a great day.”

My doctor is not amused and asks, “Haven’t you ever heard of a salad?

“A what?”

“Salad.”

“Is that the thing with the green vegetables that healthy people eat?”

“Yes. Because one day, we want you to be one of those healthy people too.”

It was then, the light hit my eyes, mostly because I was facing a window in which the sun was pouring right om me.

My doctor closed the blinds and restarted the conversation, “All I can do is advise you based on the facts. The fact is that you need to change. Your body can’t keep on taking the stress of your life. It’s up to you to take it from here.”

I thank the doctor for his time, pay the co-pay, and head out the door.

By the time I get in my car and start it up, I was already late for my next appointment. Damn! On the bright side, I didn’t have to hear that squeaky chair! As I am driving to the next meeting, I look at the fast food places lined up with cars perfectly placed at the drive-thru. I think of Leo Gets from the “Lethal Weapon” movies saying his famous line, “They f%^k you in the drive-thru!”.

More importantly, I see all of the happy people leaving the fast-food lanes, with big smiles, as they take the burger (or chicken sandwich) in slo-mo, taking that first bite, moving the food from the center of their mouths to the side so they can enjoy everything about it. Eyes close. Another bite is taken. They are satisfied with their meals. I thought … damn … that was me a few hours ago … now … I have to eat salad! Why me!

Looking at the clock, I noticed that  I was actually running a little early. My stomach is telling me to fill up on something. So, I pull into the supermarket parking lot. I know they have one of those D-I-Y salad bars, which I must partake in.

After parking the car, locking it, and walking into the store I quickly see the D-I-Y salad bar. Calling it a “bar” is a misnomer. This is not a bar where people drink alcoholic beverages to forget their troubles. It is a bunch of refrigerated containers, kept cool by ice packs, and changed over when the contents start to empty. They really should call it something else like the “Vegetable Prison” with the tag line, “Abandon your tastebuds when you enter here” or “If your heart rate is above 180, grab a tray, you’ll be back.”

As I approach the “vegetable prison”, I take notice of all of the people around. Some are filling in their D-I-Y projects, closing the lids, and walking to the cash registers. Others are heading to the D-I-Y soups to get some chili before heading out. I grab a plastic container, start loading up my D-I-Y kit dreaming of slow-cooked roast beef sandwiches, cheeseburgers, french fries and a soda for that extra caffeine kick. Instead of that, I complete my salad with iceberg lettuce, green peppers, eggs, bacon bits, and maybe a few croutons before snapping the lid shut and moving to the cash registers. Iw as at least the tenth person in line, but it was only a fifteen-minute wait to get to the front of it.

At the cashier stand, I move forward at a good pace to the seventeen-year-old pimple-faced teen with blue eyes, red short red hair, and a few freckles on her cheeks, She was about my height, with her back arched slightly from the wear and ear from this job. Eventually, as I approached the front of the line, she weighs the D-I-Y kit and says, “Ten dollars. Please.”

I reply, “What?”

She rolls her eyes, as most seventeen-year-olds do when working their first job, and repeats, “Ten Dollars.”

Ten frickin’ dollars? What the hell is this? My brain thought, “If I stuck with the fast food, not only would I be out of the line by now, but the cost is half of this salad! She gives me a plastic bag, secured at both ends, with a fork, knife, pepper, salt, and a napkin.

I swipe my card, the cashier hands me a receipt, and I take off to my car.

Am I late for the next meeting? By now, Yes, but this is a salad. I can’t just leave it in the car as it will wilt when I am in the next meeting. I get into my car and make a few calls to let them know I am not coming. Then, as I am behind the wheel, I break out the plastic fork from the cashier and start to eat my D-I-Y kit.

From the first bite, something started to happen. It is like a thousand single nutrients entered my body and started energizing it. By the second bite, I started to taste the carrots in the salad. Taste? I haven’t had that sensation in years! This salad tasted … good!

Maybe I was wrong about eating the salad. Across the street from the grocery store was a fast food outlet, with happy customers pouring out of the store and through the drive-thru lanes. I thought for a second, just for a second that maybe by having a salad and getting my tastebuds back, change isn’t so bad after all.